Before I slept last night, I had been thinking all the things that had happened to me and I really think that I'm a very tough and brave girl.

Thinking back on the things which had happened to me was really too much. I supposed not much people can take up this challenge. What I have been through in my life I think are most of the girls will never ever experience before ba. Or should say if have the chance to experience, they will also chose not to. What kinds of things I have been through?

When I'm still a baby, got one day I fell sick. My daddy saw me shivering with cold and he actually wrapped me up with jackets and towels. *To make me not so cold.* He then drove my mummy and me to the doctor's. When we reached there, my mummy was scolded by the doctor. *Why?* Because I almost become an idiot if they brought me to the doctor a few minutes later. The doctor told my mummy, when a baby was sick, don't ever wrap her up like a 'ba zhang'. The heat would burn her brain up. *haha, thanks to my daddy's driving skill* In the nick of time, my life was saved.

When I'm still a toddle, I actually was too playful or active ba. I fell from a high container truck and knocked onto my back head. Wow! It costed me to stay in the hospital for a day. But at that time I know nothing yet. *Haha, but very lucky, I never turned into idoit or die. Tough hor?* The doctor told my mummy my memory would not be as good as before already. *At least nothing that serious happened to me.*

When I started schooling, my parents registered me into a kindergarten school at around Teck Whye there. It was a PAP school, I remembered. There was no uniform at all. The first day I'm there, I already get bullied by the kids there. First, they snatched my water bottle away from me. Then they wanted to snatch my pretty dress I wore to there also. I was so scared. Lucky my grandfather was standing outside there and saw it. Then I never ever went back to that school again. I was then brought to a Christain Kindergarten with uniform. The teachers, principal and kids there were all friendly. Very fast I adapted to the environment. but at first, I always cried not to go there to study. The principal carried me and kept telling me not to cry and in the end I finally accept myself to study there.

When I went into primary school, I was a very skinny and short little girl. The bag which I had to carried to school was way more heavier than me. *Haha, lucky never turned me into roti prata.* I still remembered my grandfather had to help me up the stair of the bus so that I would not go backwards. When I was in school during recess time, we had to queue to buy food. I queued and queued but there was always not my turn to buy. People bigger size than me kept cutting my queue. That time my grandfather also saw it and from that time onwards he always brought me my lunch. *So thanks to him for taking care for me so much. Too bad he is not arounf already* I went up to primary two and so surprisingly, I went into a very good class due to my results I scored in primary one. The people there were all very competitive and nasty. They only cared for their own privilegde and so young, they knew how to use people for their own benefits already. I really hate this kind of people who only know how to bully weaker people. From then on, I told myself I cant let others people to bully me. I became a stronger girl. But one day, when I was having the usual national athem in the morning, I fainted. My teacher had to call my parents to come and fetched me back home, but they were both busy working and in the end my aunt had to come over to bring me back to my grandmother's house. She brought me to see doctor and found out that I had low blood pressure.

From that time onwards, I had been fainting when I had to stand for a long time. Just like blood cant go through my brain. I can see stars and black space when I'm feeling dizzy. This was the syptoms that I wanted to faint already. The other one is I will start to be breathless and cant get any air. If there were too many people around me, I will also faint. *Haha, like fainting is common to me already hor. Actually I'm really used to it already. Nothing surprising at all. Till now I will still faint.*

Till now most of the thing I been through I really overcome it.

When I went into Secondary school, I knew a few good friends. *Haha, at least were all at fun friends. We study when the time is there and we played when it is time to play.* When I was Secondary 4 waiting for my result, my second sister was having her PSLE and people like to compare my results with her. *EEEKKKK !!! I hate it. I really hate them. Make my sister also like to compare this and that with me already. Till now she still like that. Haizz...*
After 'O' Level, I went out to work temporary at Giordano. Those were really happy days. People there were all very friendly. I knew alot of good friends who still contacting now. *How surprising right? Although so short period of time, we became good friends. But when I left there most of the people also leave.* My results was out and I went back to school to collect my results and there was something happen which I think no one will believe even myself. When my teacher called upon my name to collect my results, I went up to her and she kept looking at me and asked me who I am. *Haha, funny hor. Just not even half year, my teacher cant recognise me already.* Then I told her who I am and then she looked at me again and asked me one very funny question. 'Did you cheat in your exams?' *Whhahahah, this is the funniest question I had ever heard in my life. How can I copy others when there were so many people around to invigilate us?* Then I realised that my result was way more better then any one can expect. *Is it a good news?* To me it is a bad news. Why? Because I cant go into the course I want as I failed my english or say past my english at the brim. At that point of time I dont want to go into poly as there was no course which I like. I wanted to go and study private accounting course. But when I tell my daddy, he actually forced me to go to poly. Then I had no choice and I had to chose all those courses relunctantly. I saw there was 2 new courses opening - marine time and aerospace. I put them as my first and second choices but in the end, all the eleven choices I never get in and I got into the last choice which I really really super duper don't like. At that time, I told myself never mind, just hang on and go through, it was be a past soon. Soon it became a past already, and I had to struck that line. I wished to change my fields but how can I do it?

My working life started already. The first company I went into was at Aljunied. It was so far away and after 3 months there, I left the company. Then I found my second company and was at Tanjong Pargar. It was a foreigner exchange company doing Java language. I also worked there for 3 months and they told me that they actually need a experience and education more higher people. It was so sucks. How can they said that when they actually write at the requirement saying fresh grad from poly also welcome to apply. *YUUUCCKKKSSSS!!!!* I was so demoralised at that time. I called my mummy and she told me never mind there is still other jobs to find. There will be on suitable for me de. Then again, I had to be tough and go through all this all by myself. It was a tough time for me. Soon I got into depression and I even feel like wanted to end my life just like this. Lucky, my determination was strong enough and never do anything stupid. More than a month, I had been going through the stage all by myself and also cant let anyone know about it. I had become more and more shag like a zombie as days goes by. I really felt that I'm very 'li hai'. Finally it was over and I started to pick myself up. I give myself a week and I turned myself from zombie to a happy-go-lucky person again.
In my third company, I see the true color of my poly friends. It was very saddening to know that actually the friends you treat them good were bad to you and showing the true color just to protect themselves. Anyway, in that company, I not only see through my so called friends, I also know my him there.

At first, we never really notice each other. Then got one new girl came in and they become very close till the whole office also thought that they were both couple. When we started to be together, I supposed there will be people saying me as a third party ba. Being said as a third party is the last thing that a girl will like others to call her ba. But I go through it again.
The third company was really a very sucks company. The manager there was the most terrible manager I had ever seen. I took leave cannot while the girl he liked took leave then he never say anything. And he can even say there is no need of us to be there. He hired us is becuase he wanted to keep the girl he like there for long. *But, wahhahahha ... the girl he liked never choose him.* I never see a manager can even threatened his subordinate. I had just step out of schooling life into working life and within a year, I had been through more than others can been through.

Finally me and him left the company. Found a job being an ICT but also left in the end. *not more than 3 months.* Sick cannot take MC and starting pay only $600. There was really no human there. I was in the office checkin my mail and yet let others say I was chatting on MSN. Then still warned me not to check my personal mail during office hours. They kept sending mail to my personal mail then I dont check say I never do work. What I should do? *crazy people there.* Never give me company mail still say so much. No money company say no mony company lah. Anyway, I had go through again. *Hehe!! Alot of thing hor.*

Now in a company which was previously good. But when they asked me to help out downsatir, Thing started to change. This month is my confirm month, but I don't think they will confirm me. I had to find new job again. Going through everything all over again. Now lost in the jungle, don't know which way to go. Which job should I find? All are question marks.

For the past few weeks, I not feeling well. Then this past monday, I had been through a lot of girls will reject to go through de thing. I forced myself to do it. Again, I go through it. But I cant overcome it. It had been hunting me these few nights. I had been crying into my sleep. I felt so insecure. I'm very stress. This past week there were too many things happened and I am very stress. I'm scared I cant handle it already. Will depression come back to me again? I don't know. I suppose no one know how I'm feeling right now. Whenever I saw or people say something related to the matter I had previously go through, I felt very hurt and lost. I don't know how to elaborated what I had been going through these few days.

*Zhu bao bao, I'm sorry, I really wish that I can overcome this time round. I had been trying very hard. I know there is no one can help me. But there is really too may things happened at one go already. I told myself, I had been through soo many things from young till now. Same, for this time round, I can also overcome myself. I hope you understand that I'm not giving you any stress or pressure. I kept feeling that got people want to snatch my thing away from me since after the monday. I'm trying to control myself as I do not want to end up thinking about dieing to overcome this problem. I do want depression to find me back again. It is very terrible feeling. I don't like that kind of feeling. I had to pull through this time round also. Anyway, thanks alot zhu bao bao.*